


Flobberworms: Their Exciting Existence

by Gildedmuse



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Co-Written, Crack, Gen, Humor, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 10:57:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18798973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gildedmuse/pseuds/Gildedmuse
Summary: What goes on in the life of a flobberworm? Trek through the depressing story of a single flobberworm called Carl.





	Flobberworms: Their Exciting Existence

**Author's Note:**

> [I wrote this back in 2901 when I was 14 with a friend at a sleep over and that's my excuse]

 

The wind screamed past me as I rose higher and higher into the air, carried by a massive bearer of grief and destruction that had held doom for so many before me. I knew I was a goner.

Hullo. My name is Gray 3-2521. However, you may call me Carl. I am a flobberworm, among the last of my kind. I live in a glass prison where, everyday, many of my kind are buried…whether dead or alive. And now, I was facing my own doom. My jailkeeper stared me in the eye. I was going to die.

"What a bore," said my captor, and dropped me back into my prison. I lay on the soft soil, devastated. My fellow flobberworms, even my wife Blue 6-3054, would not come near me. Even though I had escaped death for now, there was still the chance that I had been infected by a very contagious disease called…Humanitosis.

My friend, Red 7-1439(I called him Bob), was the first to catch it. He was infected with humanitosis when he was handled by the evil pink-skinned demons. Bob, too, was thrown down as I had been, but he did not survive. He slowly began to turn a sickly shade of peach and then, one day, he stopped moving. He had died, leaving two hundred children without a daddy! Excuse me one moment as I cry.

I slowly inched my way back to my lettuce home. I nibbled on the green wall, a plan forming in my mind of how to gain revenge on the evil pink skinned demons.

* * *

Today, I would exact my revenge. I had the perfect plan. Sort of. When my captor came to snatch me unwillingly from my home, and raised me again to his, I would insult him from afar. Actually, it wasn't that far for him, but it was far for me!

"You human!" I cried from my position on the great plain of the demon's claws. "You horrible, unflobberworm-like creature!" My captor, however, seemed totally unfazed by this attack on his person. Not knowing what else to do, I bit him, and hard! Never mind that I don't have teeth! I would cause him pain for tormenting my friends and family so. No more would have we have to suffer at his hand. Hands. Hand? Never mind.

"Is it trying to bite me?" I heard my captor say.

"Yes!" I wanted to scream. "Feel the pain and sorrow of an entire race!"

"Can't be," a second pink-skinned demon said. "It doesn't have teeth." It was then that I knew that they had me surrounded.

Suddenly, I was flung carelessly aside. Every particle of air seemed like many particles of air as I fell back into my prison. Finally, my crippled body hit the ground, dust flying into the air. But I would not let this get me down. For I am a flobberworm, and I  _will_ prevail.

* * *

 

"I think this one's dead," one of the pink-skinned demons said, pointing at me.

"I'm not dead!" I roared. It was hopeless. They did not care for me.

"Nah, its tail is still twitching," a demon said.

I painfully got up and made my way to my humble abode, where my wife(I call her Mary) waited, cooking dinner for our three hundred sons and one daughter.

"Oh, you're hurt," she said in a long-suffering voice.

"I think I have humanitosis," I sobbed.

Her eyes welled up with tears as she pointed me in the direction of my room. There I stayed, so I would not infect the remaining members of my species. Especially my three hundred sons. And one daughter, Violet 0-5000, who I call Sue.

I suffered greatly. I could see my skin taking on a sickly shade of pink. My body shuddered with pain as the humanitosis took over my body. It hurt. Oh, how it hurt!

Then, one day, the pain stopped. Suddenly stopped, just like that. It was a miracle! I was saved! I had defeated humanitosis, which no flobberworm has ever done before! I would be written down in the pages of flobberworm history. I am so happy.

* * *

 

Today we celebrate! We celebrate my victory. My wife baked a wonderful cake of lettuce, and my daughter helped. My sons built for me a lettuce storage shelter. It was a wonderful celebration! This is our greatest triumph over the evil pink-skinned demons. For the first time in my life, I was truly happy.

However, the evil that troubles us still lives on. We will not stop until they are all dead.

* * *

 

 

My jailers still live. They will not for long, for today, we are prepared. I have formed a legion of elite flobberworm warriors, consisting mostly of my three hundred children. I would not let Sue go because she is my only daughter, and I love her.

"Charge!" I shrieked, the vengeance of Bob on my mind. I let loose a battle cry that bore seething hatred and malice. I bore the weight of my entire race on my non-existent shoulders. We flooded over the walls of our prison, swarming over the pink-skinned demons.

Ages later, I lay on the cold hard ground, taking my last breaths. Not on the soft soils of my prison, but the stone of the demons' home. I lay dying, surrounded by the broken bodies of my family and friends. My final thought as I died was sorrow. I'm sorry, Mary. I'm sorry, Sue. Forgive me…

* * *

 

 

"That lesson was as dull as ever," said Ron. "Though it was pretty cool to see all those flobberworms spilling over the tank."

"Maybe now we can have a real lesson," said Hermione hopefully.

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Flobberworms sure are boring."

I bet you didn't know flobberworms were such depressed creatures! See, you learn something new everyday. Review and tell us what you think!

 


End file.
